GRS this week

GRS will have a late update tomorrow. I don't really want to talk about why u_u;

Touch of Collierville

Last week my little sister's school had a thing called the Touch of Collierville where store owners from around the town came to have a little show. My parents signed up for a booth and they along with my grandmother rallied together to get me to participate. So.. I DID. I sold 2 card packs, made an extra $20 I'll probably use to make skirts from. But yeah I didn't do too badly. Several people walked off with business cards, one lady liked my dress. It was all pretty awesome.

Valentine's cards made for the occassion! My grandma printed everything herself :)

Me with the table. Augh I'm so scary! lol

And of course I always bring along little creatures to keep me company.

Out of all that stuff I only sold 2 things so if anyone is interested in buying any of that, please let me know! I'd be more than happy to give it all to someone who will enjoy it :)

I adopt cute things and take them home!

I adopted this little guy from Glider on FA!! He's a bitty bat, and I absolutely ADORE him. I think this will easily be the cute character I throw into my comics for no real reason other than to be cute and awww at. Yes I intend to dress him up in aristo and properly abuse him by drawing him badly.

Cute cute little Arisu!

***The drawing is by Glider!!***

Doodle Post!

Making a huge amount of posts today but I like my new journal layout so I revel! WATCH ME REVEL!! The above design is from a little character I adopted from an artist on FA. The post will follow this one~ I think this will be a good character to dress in cute things for absolutely no reason. I think I may put him in GRS as Ami's assistant.
MY POWER LEVEL IS OVER NINE THOUSAND! (Yeah I had to...shutup)...
a sad Tad. Was kind of how I was feeling at the moment.

some experiments

The Ice Over

Saturday night everything froze over. The power was out from 10p to 3a. We lit the house by firelight and my parents and little sister (who was so scared, poor thing lol) huddled on the couch, while I huddled up on the bed with Maggie and listened. The whole town blacked out. The sky lit up with green as transformers exploded a block over. In the dead silence we could hear people with chainsaws cutting up the branches that had fallen into their yard, an occasional car that tried to get through the ice. But the eeriest thing was the snapping of branches, which we could hear from streets away, cracking and falling to the earth. They were like gunshots going off. When the wind blew we could hear the wind chimes outside partnered with the crystalline cracking of ice covered branches colliding and scratching the roof of the house. And while Memphis HAS frozen over before, several times, this is by far the craziest experience I've ever had here at home. Besides the ghosts.



The next day everything was like this. They were partly melting in the sun, and everywhere was raining ice. There were fallen branches all over the yard and in the yards nearby. I think behind us was the worst. I made a couple videos but you can't really hear what I hear. So I won't post them. Even though it was dangerous for the dogs to be outside I went out with them to play, and took all of these photos. As scary as it was, it was one of the most beautiful sights ever. It was like everything was encased with crystal. It was as if I were looking into a different world.





It's amazing that the only thing not frozen was the pool.

Dream Dresses- a post about Lolita

I am not a Sweet Lolita. Or rather, I am not the Sweet Lolita type. I go for the more gothic, classic look. I like Lolita because of its... vision. The elegance and the fashion. I don't see it primarily as a fetish. Liking Lolita and learning more about it has given me an appreciation for being a girl. It has allowed me to mature as a woman mentally and artistically, to be more confident. I don't own any officially Lolita dresses yet, but I try to work my appreciation of it into my everyday work. By the costumes I create for my characters, by shifting my attitude, or just cute things I like to collect. I have even been doodling my own designs, I intend to learn to sew so that I may make my own skirts and things.


I definitely take on a Lolita mindset although I've strayed away from many of the girls I have seen on EGL (no offense ladies! This is just my personal view). Some tend to be a bit elitist (though not all, mind you) and the tendency to only wear brand clothing is a common occurrence. Which is why I like looking at daily_lolita and seeing the many different things people make or buy or put together. I think the Lolita fashion has inspired me to be more creative, and for someone who doesn't feel that confident about herself or think she's very pretty, and almost always hated wearing a skirt for the preference of others, it is refreshing and deserves a closer look. I would love to one day go to tea houses with other girls in poofy skirts, do photoshoots in the park and revel in being a GIRL. But I'm not much for talking about what Japanese band played where or what brand is better. Though I adore the child-like aspects of Sweet Lolita you will never ever catch me with deco, pink wigs, or sugary treats adorning my hair. And I will never wear pink shoes. NO.

I will just take photos of you wearing it, "awww" and "eee" over you, but yeah xD Will never do that myself.

I think one reason I don't delve much into the Lolita COMMUNITY is because I don't feel like I should have to struggle to fit in. I know most of the girls are nice (plenty of them are sweethearts) but I don't want to be called an "ita" for trying, I want to learn a lot, but I don't want to feel like a poser or a wannabe going to a meetup in a ruffle skirt , plaid chiffon blouse and pinstripe fedora (which looks AWESOME btw... just not considered "lolita"). I also can't afford to buy brand or top-of-the-line clothes, and with my love and appreciation for it, I want to be a part of a community that harnesses the influence and creativity, that won't criticize you for just being "inspired" and will welcome you into the community even though you have a love for it but would rather express it in different ways.

And any Lolita reading this who wishes to combat that and discuss, by all means please do. I'm just a very antisocial person, very socially awkward, I tend to come across as being full of myself and sometimes have the foot-in-mouth syndrome. I also tend to sound like a know-it-all when I don't mean to, and when I try to assert myself it comes across as "I'M A TOTAL JERK!" Yet, when I close up and stay quiet, it has the exact opposite effect. As in "She looks like she wants to kill me. She's a cold hearted arrogant brat" kind of thing. No really. People say this!

But anyway, this was meant to be a post about the dresses. I ended up talking about my social handicaps instead. Haha. Sorry.


These are all, surprisingly, very affordable. The last one is actually $25. It's the shipping that kills!

Something totally different

I want to try something. In blogs of the past I've created different blogs for different purposes for fear of boring or offending people. And now, I really don't care anymore. So this blog is not going to be dedicated to just art, but also to my photojournalism, reviews, random musings and other projects. My blog should be everything me, and be worth the trouble instead of posting art. I love to write more than I love to draw, actually, and why not make my blog everything it can be? So the blog is going to go in a few different directions. Updates and art posts will still remain but, just expect me to talk more :) And to see more from my life too I suppose.

I'm also gunna try and do some vlogs. Good idea or bad? I can't really tell.

More to come!

Next week...

If you go to http://grimreaperschool.thecomicseries.com you can read the preview for the next chapter :)

Over the course of the day I'll be adding a few new things to the site, so see ya next Tuesday for the start of chapter 5~

Ghost Light

For a secret project that may or may not be. Highly inspired by Jamie Hewlett, Koji Morimoto and Akira Toryama, 3 of my artistic idols. (Yeah I'm a nutcase)

here's the black and white:

Grim Reaper School chapter 4 update 24

It's the end of Chapter 4! YAAAAY. Finally!

Chapter 5 will start next week and will be a teeny bit slow moving because I have a deadline for something in March and some life stuff to deal with.

Meant to post this earlier (ahaha...) but stuff got in the way. A total "wtf" moment, but I think I'm obligated to create quite a few ;)

http://grimreaperschool.thecomicseries.com

Writing

I can't write anymore.

I keep telling myself each night before I go to bed, that the next day when I wake up I will sit and do nothing but write all day. There used to be days, two years ago where I would sit down and write for hours, only taking breaks to eat or go for a walk. Now I sit down stare at my screen. I know there is something there to write, but I can't put it down on paper or on the screen. I close the laptop, I walk away to do something else, and its in the back of my mind: solid, pungent guilt. All I can muster to do is write an entry on my Livejournal about how writing would be great, about ideas I have and will never be able to do. Rambles about how I feel concerning art and my future. But nothing else. Nothing REALLY important.

A part of me tells me to go back to the beginning to fix all the broken pieces. Another part of me says to keep going. I have to finish the story. But I can't show it to anyone because no one has seen the beginning. What am I to do?

The days of swapping opinions and ideas are over. I'm protective of my work. I'm observant of the people who were once involved but are no longer and I can't help but wonder if my sharing things, if imparting the world of Arde on someone causes them to leave. It is a tie bonding world, one that has formed many friendships but also destroyed them, and when we part ways another version is created, a fleeting memory of the greatness it had before. The bright promise of this world has vanished and is consumed by darkness, and I have to give it light again, on my own. I didn't depend on others for opinions because I was incapable of making my own. It was because sharing it made me happy. It made me happy to know that people other than myself were enjoying the piece, the story, the characters, and that the lack of confidence was all in my head. It's the same reason why I keep drawing Grim Reaper School, because even if I don't hear from many of the readers what they think of the pages (as I am guilty of doing, purely out of shyness, not because I don't care) every now and then I receive a piece of fanart, or a comment telling me to keep going or a request to do a guest comic or a compliment about the character... and I'm filled with renewed energy.

Half Blood is different. Now all I can make of the story are whispers to myself as I fall asleep or as I stand idly by waiting for something. Words I can't seem to remember the moment I sit down to actually remember. I've thought to record them as I speak them so that I'll never forget, but the sound of my voice is jarring and sounds so different when I hear it played back that I'm embarrassed by it. There is a lot I have debated about the story. What format to put it in, illustrations or none, titles, characters. It used to be so easy, and the amount of work has become overwhelming. It's a masterpiece I'll never finish and I can't leave it alone because I KNOW the story is good. I know there are things I can do with the tales of Malthoria that I can't do anywhere else. There is a road to follow, an inspiration. It is a place I can go to and be inspired, and tell my story passionately without worrying what others think.

But since two years ago a piece of it has flown away. A vital piece that had built itself into the world and became deeply rooted. Now it has withered away and I have to rejuvenate it on my own. I'm impatient because I want the world to see what I've created. I don't know who to send it to for publishing, or if it should be a feat I take on by myself. It's such an elaborate, epic, emotional story. It is everything I have lived, everything I have seen, everything I have learned, put into an adventure about one character and his family. Though it needs a big big BIG overhaul and dedicated editing, I simply can't leave it alone because it may be amateur or because I wrote it when I was still young. I can't just move on to other things so easily. It's a legacy, a tome, something I will pass down through my kids. I can't just bury it and call it dead, never to return. And if I do, it will certainly be a death for me.

I admit. It's hard to write without a muse. Without an inspiration. Without a reason. I lack confidence and skill. Any talent I possess can't do it a fair amount of justice. Perhaps I am only being modest. Everything is just so vast and complicated.

But I sit down to write and there is a wall. Not just any wall, but one that prevents anything from getting through. I try to write it feels forced. I write when I feel inspired, my head aches and I feel sick. It would literally kill me to do what I did two years ago. And at the back of my mind is everything else. What to live for, what to do with my life, what to do so that I have money, what to do to please everyone. I just want to live for myself. I want to live for my art. I want to sacrifice things so that this story can be written. But it's not as easy as it used to be.

I lack inspiration. I lack motivation. This town is suffocating. This place I live in is suffocating. The thoughts in my own head are suffocating. No matter how much I grasp the sand, it continually runs through my fingers and back to the formless pile from which it came.

This is the real world now.

And I may never write again.

Grim Reaper School chapter 4 update 23

Chapter 4 comes to a close this week. Next week, Chapter 5 will begin, with a cover posted on Tuesday and the first "page" on Thursday. I'm trying to spread out my updates a little more and go at it twice a week rather than full blown page updates on Tuesday. I just get so excited xD But I think we can all agree that I'm not a conventional webcomic artist by FAR. I spend more time doing everything people tell me NOT to do...rather than listening to their advice and rules.

I don't claim to be an expert or to know everything there is to know about making webcomics, but I do what I can, honestly.

Goals for the new year: to put Grim Reaper School in a physical form. That's my main objective. And more art, more playing around and just having fun with it.

I can't believe there's only one more week of January left. Yeesh.

anyhow..

Alex is on his own this time, and having some "baw" time! One more page after this and chapter four is FINISHED. FINALLY.

So tune in Thursday for the final bits.

http://grimreaperschool.thecomicseries.com

A storm

The storm passed right over us. I had heard about it, so I went out to take photos. Yes I stand under dangerous looking clouds with an ipod and a camera. I'm so hardcore!! (haha... right)

RAWR. I stomp on all of your little mud babies!



and a sepia-tone-ish one for fun:

Grim Reaper School chapter 4 update 22

This week Charlie receives a fair warning from the demon, and it's kind of unnerving!

Late page this week but I had stuff going on, back to work this weekend and everything just got kinda mucked up. Only one page this week. A let down, I know but maybe if I can get my act together I'll have a regular update schedule... and maybe some Ritalin for my posting ADHD (kidding! kidding... don't hit me)

The chapter is coming to a close. AND I'M SO HAPPY ABOUT IT. These are the chapters I've been DYING to draw. For the record I never actually intended for GRS to get THIS DEEP. But it has. It's just my thing, you know? So hang onto your trousers and petticoats people. Cause it only gets more awesome from here.

23 subscribers. I'm so happy I could cry.

http://grimreaperschool.thecomicseries.com

Deery Valentine's Day

A card design for Valentine's Day. Made to sell at a job fair over at the local Elementary School and at my grandmother's frame shop. Not sure about the color but overall the cuteness factor works.

Yay. I love deer!

You can also buy a print over here: http://www.redbubble.com/people/modernreaper/art/4512147-1-deery-valentines-day